Two year lessons

Two Years...

It's almost been two years since this day.

Two years ago today, I was practically giddy with anticipation.

Give or take

Today I am nearly delirious from exhaustion after a long week of work, science fair, life...and its only Wednesday!!

Tonight as I was taking a blessedly hot, quiet shower thanks to my loving husband taking kid and dinner table clearing duty, I started feeling rather nostalgic about the last two years.  

Can you be nostalgic about a marriage that's only celebrating its second year?  I say yes...because although it's only been two years, we sure have fit A LOT of life into those years.  

Anyway, I have so many reasons to be thankful...a long list of reasons why I think my husband is basically the best thing since whatever the best thing was before sliced bread!  But what I got to thinking about tonight was all of the things I've learned.  I know I have MUCH more to learn about marriage...and many things that I've learned that still need A LOT of work...its a good thing I've got a lifetime with Glenn to learn them!

But I thought I'd write down a few of the things I've learned these past two years.

1. Marriage is easy...and hard, but there's something more dangerous than hard.

Some days marriage is so easy.  It's easy to love your spouse...easy to be caring and kind...easy to have fun together and remember all the reasons why you got married.  

Some days marriage is hard...life happens...your failures happen...your spouse's failures happen.  You feel like doing just about anything other than being loving, caring, and kind.  

And there are some days (a lot of days) that marriage is just mundane.  Work, housework, laundry, bills, kids...nothing romantic or special about it.

When marriage is hard, it's easier to be reminded that its worth fighting for...to work towards easy days.  

I think the most dangerous times are the mundane times.  These are the times when marriage is the most vulnerable.  You don't really think about marriage in those times.  You just think about getting dinner cooked and forget to kiss your spouse hello.  You're focused on getting tasks accomplished rather than on your spouse.  You get to feeling like two ships passing in the night, rather than a married couple...

or is it just me??  

It seems that the less focused on each other you become in the mundane times of marriage, the harder the hard times become.  

A solid marriage foundation is built on the easy days AND the mundane days.  

I definitely have a lot to work on in this area.  

Me and my type A, to-do list making, get 'er done personality so easily forgets to add the everyday work marriage needs to my list of things to get done.  

2. Marriage is not about my happiness, it is about my holiness.

It's a famous saying by some famous marriage guru...but boy have I discovered it's truth!  There is no better way to discover all of the things about you that need some serious work then to be married.  

Who are you when you're tired?  

Mad?  

Sad?  

Frustrated? 

How do you handle stress?  

Conflict?  

Money?

Decisions?

Who you are in the dark of night gets a BRIGHT light called your spouse shining on it when you're married...and its not always a pretty sight!  

I've discovered things about myself that I would never have expected thanks to my husband (not that he's pointed fingers at most of my failings...just that they have become glaringly obvious to me).  Although it is not easy to learn how many ways I'm far from perfect, I'm thankful for the knowledge. 

 I'm thankful for a patient spouse who loves me despite my flaws.  

I'm thankful for the daily opportunity to be better, to try again, and grace for when I miss the mark.

I'm thankful that I am becoming a better person because of my husband. 

3. Marriage is all about me.

But not in the way you might think.

I'm married to a very human and filled with flaws man.

There are days...seasons...when my needs are not being met.

Days...seasons...when I want to pout and say, I'm not gonna meet any of your needs until mine start being met.  

But as a very wise woman sternly reminds me (after nodding very sympathetically) every time, marriage is about me...

It is about ME loving my spouse.

It is about ME supporting, encouraging, and fulfilling the needs of my spouse.

It is about ME reaching towards him no matter if he's willing/able to reach towards me.

Ideally, both flawed people in the marriage will remember (after pouting maybe a little...or again, maybe that's just me!) that this is how marriage is "all about me" and both will be giving their all, but having their needs met at the same time.  

But even if not, that doesn't change MY responsibility in the marriage.  

I'm not saying that it's easy.  

FAR from it.  

I've cried with and prayed for wives and husbands who are alone in putting this type of work into marriage, and ultimately, marriage takes two people.

I am so blessed to not deal with the heartache that comes from being the only one working in and fighting for my marriage.

So these are a few of the things I've learned over the past few years. I know that in the next two years I'll learn more..and more in the following two years...and on and on!  

I am so grateful to be Mrs. Wallace...to be walking life with THIS man.

Doesn't hurt that he's so easy on the eyes!

I am So blessed!  

Which story?

My sister wrote another wonderful blog post (go read it) that made me think.  Love that her writing always challenges me…makes me think…makes me laugh. 

I wrote a response…and then it got deleted. 

Whimper!!

Then I wrote it again…

Here it is:

Mythology.  Fairytales.  Epic love stories.  Evil being defeated by Good.  I think there’s a reason why these stories are burned so deeply in our hearts.  A reason why we love reading, watching, listening to them.  I think it is the mark of the longing deep in our souls for our ultimate rescue from this broken world by our ultimate Love. 

I think you’re right that the devil has become a scapegoat.  I think too often we get stuck on the ideas of the devil made me do it and original sin (I was born like this) and dismiss the fact that we are new creations.  God has given us new hearts.  He has covered us with His righteousness.  What shall we say then?  Shall we go on sinning so that grace may abound?

OR

Should we be transformed?  Should we take up our armor and stand against the brokenness?  I’m not sure it matters whether our stand is against the devil who prowls around like a lion (2 Peter 5:8) or the thief (whether that’s the devil or death) who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) or check other.  The point is that the world is broken.  And when we focus on the origin of the brokenness we have a tendency to lose sight of our responsibility today.  It’s like I often hear from the boys: “Well, so and so did such and such which is what started this whole mess.”  My response to them is: “I don’t want to hear what someone else did, I want to know what YOU are doing NOW.”  So I guess I need to turn that question on myself. 

I don’t want to hear who started this whole, broken mess.

What am I doing about it today?

Jesus said: “As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”  (John 20:21)

SO

How did the Father send Him?

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captive and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Is 61:1-3)

That’s a tall order!  And I’m not very good at it.  It’s so easy to forget to speak life when I’m covered in spit up.  To show love when the house is a mess.  To give comfort when I’m in the middle of so much stress.  Good thing the outcome of the ultimate war isn’t up to me and my forgetfulness. 

I think you’re right that it’s a false narrative to say that we are just helpless little pawns.  I am definitely helpless in many ways.  I can’t die to save myself.  I can’t defeat death and brokenness.  But I am more than a conqueror!  I am powerful because of the One who loves me.   Maybe I need to know that my struggle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark work and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms in order to remember to speak life.  Maybe I need to be mindful of my calling to bind up the broken as I hold out life (Phil 2:6).  Maybe thinking of my story as part of a greater Love story where the outcome has already been determined, but the daily battles are mine to fight (with the help of the One who is Mighty to Save) helps me get through the all too often HARD every day. 

I don’t think it matters what story we prefer.  Whether we prefer to think we’re fighting the devil or fighting death.  I think what matters is what we are doing about the NOW.  We have been ransomed from the power of the grave. (Hos 13:14) Why do we live like we’re still bound to it?  Why do we give power to what has been defeated?  Death.  The Devil.  Brokenness.  Why aren’t we focusing on what we can do today to bind up brokenness?  To love with actions and truth? (I John 3:18)

And to wrap this up like John:

Dear children…

Keepyourselvesfromidols.

Grow Where You're Planted

Moving to Strasburg has been hard...

There I admit it. 

It's rather like moving to a new state and starting the LONG process of making friends.

Creating relationships and history and comfort with brand new people.

It's hard because I seem to be in this weird age zone...the people who have kids the age of the older boys are often at least several years older than Glenn (who is ~5 years older than me) and the people with kids the other boys' age are either older or younger...and I just feel like I'm the awkward newcomer that just doesn't "fit" anywhere...

It's hard being at least 45 minutes away from all of the people who I have invested in and who have invested in me these past years.  Its a huge effort to make time (ya know with all the free time I have!) to spend time with these friends and it doesn't happen as often as I wish - but those times are like a gentle spring rain to my dry and lonely soul.  

It's hard being so far from my support system as a new wife and mom.

It's hard realizing that just "suck it up cupcake" isn't working and my discontentment makes it hard on my husband who wants so desperately to right all my wrongs and make my life as wonderful as he can.

"Happiness does not come from doing easy work,

but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes

after the achievement of a difficult task that

demanded out best."

~Theodore Isaac Rubin

I've been chatting a lot with God about how I need friends.  

Real friends.

In Strasburg.

People who I can call when I'm at the end of me and just escape for a few minutes for a cup of tea and a chat.

People I can sit with at the basketball games...the football games.

People who I can start sharing a common history with.

Time is a HUGE factor in all of this though.  

Common history comes through time investments.

I barely have enough time to squeeze in some sleep with work/family/etc HOW can I fit in creating community...and even when I have time WHERE can I find the energy??

I have been taking steps to try and optimize my time, so that I can get what needs to be done done and still have time left over.  

Things like crock pot freezer meals.

We also made the hard decision to switch churches to one in the community.

Killing two birds with one stone.

Saving time AND serving and fellowshipping in our community.

Off to Church!

We've been going to a small community church.  

The preaching is good.

But it's rather like stepping back in time to when I was in elementary school.

I've had a number of quiet chuckles when the music leader introduces a "new" song...one that I haven't sung since the late '80s or early '90s!

I was REALLY hoping that the church God called us to be a part of would provide the relationships I've been craving.  

That it would be a place to make friends.

The problem at the moment though, is that most of the people we've been getting to know are older.

It reminds me of my first memories of church...sitting in a pew next to a wonderful white haired grandma-type, going through all of the mysterious treasures in her purse (there was always a piece of double mint gum waiting for me at the bottom of the purse!).

This is NOT what I asked for God!

Well...maybe it is covering some of the things...

I now have people to sit with at games.

People who say hello at games.

People who inquire how Ben is feeling since they know he and I missed Church because he was under the weather.

BUT

Maybe I should have been more specific!

I'd like friends who are MY age.  

Glenn has been involved with the start-up of a men's Bible study at church.

He was telling me about the planning meeting they had.

One of the guys made a comment about 

"growing where you're planted."

Glenn was chatting about what that meant for him and being a part of this new group of guys.

It got me thinking about me.

If I had to pick my garden, 

I would be growing in the comfort of familiar surroundings with my familiar friends and support system close around me.

BUT

That's not the garden God has me in.

SO

Grow where you're planted

How do I grow where I'm planted?

Maybe I need to stop focusing on what I'm missing, and start thinking about the adventure at hand.

Maybe I need to stop wishing for what isn't and start appreciating and cultivating what is.

Maybe I need to stop worrying about things I can't change and start being excited to see what God has planned for this season's garden.

What things can I learn?

The soil may seem dry in friends...but closer inspection reveals the potential for soil rich in wisdom and life experience.

What ways can I be a blessing?  IF I grow where I'm planted.

Whether you're in a comfortable, familiar garden at the moment or an uncomfortable, unfamiliar garden...how are you growing in this season?

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God.

They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.  

Instead, they should teach others what is good.

These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,

to live wisely and be pure, to care for their homes, to do good,

and to be submissive to their husbands. 

Titus 2:3-5

Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young.

Be an example to all believes in what you say, in the way you live, 

in your love, your faith, and your purity.

I Timothy 4:12